Sex the Great Healer By Felice Dunas, Ph.D. Finally, that spa trip you have long awaited is almost here. In magnificent seclusion, hidden away from time and urban life, you and your beloved will rediscover each other. Under the ancient arms of gently swaying trees, you will regenerate yourselves. And while all thought of budgets, children, and employment melt away, you may even have the best sex of your life. Many couples notice that it takes a vacation away from daily stresses to relax the body, free the mind, and rediscover sexual desire. That's because erotic love naturally blends together with physical and mental healing. When you recover from an illness or climb out from under that mountain of papers, your sex drive returns. Overwork, worry, and physical strain consume the juice needed to run your sexual batteries. But in case you had forgotten, sex, like health, is worthy of rediscovery. Everything in life is easier if you are having great sex. Mountains turn into molehills. You appreciate of the goodness life brings you, your outlook brightens, and your body feels more vital. If you think these statements aren't true, you have never had great sex on a regular basis. So why must it take a bungalow, a Jacuzzi, and your parents babysitting for a week to revive the passion confined by the daily grind? It is possible to maintain that healthy hunger for life and each other without depending upon that elusive weekend off. But you must have a clear idea of how great sex and great health complement and create each other. Then you can intentionally use one to access the other and create lifestyle habits that allow you more of both. Sex Makes Us Healthy We know that every part of the body must be used to remain vital. Medical literature has shown us that to keep the heart healthy it needs stimulation with aerobic exercise. Bones require weight bearing exercise to maintain high calcium levels and avoid osteoporosis. Even octogenarians can revive a fading memory with a few simple mental exercises. The sex organs are no exception. For example, women who breast feed have lower breast cancer rates, while celibate men turn up with higher percentages of prostate and related cancers. A woman who enjoys regular sex may have fewer PMS symptoms. Actively sexual women going through menopause have fewer symptoms associated with the drop in reproductive hormone levels. This means that they get to feel wet and wild into their 90s. And because of the release of endorphins (the body's own feel-good drugs) during the act, outlook also improves. Depression just can't exist in the middle of great sex. Have you noticed? We benefit from using the body in all the ways it was designed to be used. As an acupuncturist and doctor of traditional Oriental medicine, I have discovered that the early Chinese physicians were among history's first sexologists. They spent thousands of years observing their patients to learn more about the nature of the sexes and the optimal ways to utilize sex for pleasure and healing. For my professional ancestors, sex was not just a pastime to be enjoyed for recreational and procreative purposes. It was a highly valued and coveted tool: an antiaging strategy and the source of unlimited power to be tapped into at will. These great sages spent centuries formulating their ideas, which, by the first century A.D., were already quite advanced. In this country, sex education is about how babies are made. But ancient Chinese scholars realized that a high level of sexual skill involved techniques that brought both pleasure and health. Multi-orgasmic experiences for both men and women were important aspects of lovemaking. This required men to develop the ability to separate orgasm from ejaculation. It was proven that orgasm is not what puts a man to sleep within thirty seconds of climax, rather, it is the ejaculatory process. A man could have many orgasms in one lovemaking session if he could control the release of semen. The idea that sex is an antiaging tool is based upon the idea that you can make love with skills that actually generate more life force. You can lower your biological age by bringing more stamina into your body through sexual play. The vitality that keeps us alive is intertwined with sexual strength. The more vitality generated in the bedroom, the more that's available to live your life. Likewise, if you waste your life force in the bedroom with unskilled sex, the weaker you become generally. While sexual ecstasy inspires the body to function at its best, sexual frustration propels people into old age. During your precious few days at a spa or retreat, your mind slows down and your sex drive reminds you that it still exists. An acupuncturist would tell you that this is because the "pot" of energy that governs the mind also governs sex drive. There is one battery to run both heads, so to speak. This is true for both women and men. So when your brain is cranking 24 hours, 7 days a week, there is not a whole lot of juice left over to keep your sexual engine running. It isn't that your libido is gone, it's that it's being used to cut a path through that jungle of mental activity you muddle through every day. Why wait until you are off in some resort with hot springs and palm trees? Rejuvenate your sex drive now! If you follow the idea that quieting the mind lets your libido speak louder, you can create islands in time for the heat of passion even during the most hectic days of the week. And what else is there to do on an island? Listen to music, stroll through beautiful scenery, dine upon fine food in a relaxed atmosphere, regain your strength, and boogie your brains out. I have always suggested a once-a-week date night to my patients (see sidebar). If that is not suitable for you, come up with your own variation. The rules are that kids, business, money, and in-laws are not permitted topics for discussion, and that each date night is consistently planned for and written into your schedule and nothing but the Resurrection or a life-threatening illness will change that. By taking the time for yourselves, everything-your stamina, outlook, health, and love affair-will improve, and you'll be able to have homemade vacation-style sex any night of the week. HR&S Sexual Chi Resides in the Kidneys Want to eat your way to sexual health? Traditional Oriental medicine has some general suggestions. Eat the foods below regularly, though not necessarily every day. Gradually, they will strengthen your sexual vitality and help maintain it for years to come. * Foods with a salty flavor (such as celery, seaweed, and fish) * Black, gray, and dark blue foods (e.g., black beans, blue corn, blueberries, miso, olives, dark mushrooms) * Fish (freshwater is helpful, but ocean fish is better) * Lamb, beef, or deer meat * Seafood (shrimp, crayfish, lobster, oysters, mussels) * Eggs * Tofu (well cooked) * Bone marrow (use this to make soups) * Organ meats (especially kidneys) * Quail and quail eggs * Walnuts * Molasses (a teaspoon in a cup of hot water) The perfect date for sex and healing A loaf of bread, a jug of wine, and . . . zzzz. I don't know who invented the romantic ideal of wining and dining followed by passionate lovemaking, but whoever it was did not understand the human body and probably had mediocre sex. To feel desire and make love well, your body needs certain conditions. Keep the following in mind: The shared pleasure of a sumptuous meal is a lovely way to unite two loving souls. But if you also want to unite sexually, eat early and take two hours to digest before making love. Try an early dinner and make your date a dessert date. A light dessert (as opposed to something large and sinfully rich) is a fun way to share something sensuous. Or, make love before dinner. Instead of using the intimacy of a meal to bring you together, why not work up an appetite with a delicious intimate encounter? If you drink alcohol on your date, keep it moderate. Alcohol can be a sexual asset if one of you is nervous or shy, but drinking can also inhibit sexual function by sedating your nervous system. Be careful about your after-dinner coffee. If you need caffeine to jump start lovemaking, don't drink so much that you won't be able to sleep afterward. The room you make love in should be cozy and warm. If your feet are chilled, it may take more genital stimulation to warm them up. If you are exhausted or stressed out when you get to the bedroom, don't push it. Use the sexual energy you do have to create a calmer, gentler intimacy. Or go to sleep and get ready for a passionate morning. Drink something hot after making love. Red hot passion uses the body's energy reserves. Once you've cooled off, hot cider or herbal tea can put the heat back in. To order Passion Play or to contact Dr. Dunas call 888-488-HEAL. Or, e-mail her at felice@felicedunas.com. BACK